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KIMBERLY KANE: Naked and Famou$

She’s so friggin’ alt she doesn’t even have a tattoo. Spirited and unconventional porn performer Kimberly Kane has been the star of some of the most artistically out-there skin flicks of the past few years, working with director Jack the Zipper and making the most of her roots as a wild teenager growing up in Portland, Oregon (the friendly bohemian port of call). A straight talker, Kane freely discusses her ride through Porno Land, the myriad varieties of strip clubs in Portland, what “alternative” really means, and how hot it was to lez out with Roxy DeVille on the set of an upcoming edition of Triangle Films smoking girls-only line Boundaries. She additionally cracks up about the date a lustful cop broke into her agent’s apartment to impress her, and what she gave him in return. (It’s not as pretty as you’re thinking … ).

additionally check out KaneAmry.com and Kimberly’s blog.
Listen to the interview (mp3, 32 minutes, 9MB)

EROTICA LA QUICKIES: Jersey Cummings

Porn starlet Jersey Cummings recently sucked off 20 guys for Brandon Iron’s camera but her most shocking moment in the business came the day she met her high school teacher – on a porn set! You’ll never guess who it was!
Listen to the interview (mp3, 7.5 minutes, 2MB)

Clown porn at Comic-Con

Free spirit Hollie Stevens sent along that picture of herself and Daisy Laine from last week’s Comic-con in San Diego where they represented the Clown Porn and Girls & Corpses concerns.

You would be forgiven for thinking they were just undergoing the manic phase of their bipolar cycles but No, they are supposed to be hot clowns.

Previously: Boxing Day in Alpha 15
See plus: Hollie Stevens, Girls And Corpses, Clown Porn

Kiwi vegans lost out on all the good men

People concerned with that sort of thing In New Zealand report that there is an increase in “vegansexuals”, public who choose not to have sex with carnivores, even human ones.

“I would not want to be intimate with someone whose body is literally made up from the bodies of others who have died for their sustenance,” said one Christchurch vegan.

Read the full story after the gap.

Oddly suitable, “You wouldn’t believe how many carcasses are inside me” is my most effective pick-up line.

Carnivore sex off the menu
By REBECCA TODD – The Press | Tuesday, 31 July 2007

No sex, please, you’re a carnivore.

A new phenomenon in New Zealand is taking the concept of you are what you eat to the extreme.

Vegansexuals are citizens who do not eat any meat or animal products, and who choose not to be sexually intimate with non-vegan partners whose bodies, they say, are made up of dead animals.

The co-director of the New Zealand Centre for Human and Animal Studies at Canterbury University, Annie Potts, said she coined the term after doing research on the lives of “cruelty-free consumers”.

Cruelty-Free Consumption in New Zealand: A National Report on the Perspectives and Experiences of Vegetarians and other Ethical Consumers asked 157 humans nationwide about everything from battery chickens to sexual preferences.

Many female respondents described being attracted to humans who ate meat, but said they did not want to have sex with meat-eaters considering their bodies were made up of animal carcasses.

“It’s a whole new thing – I have not come across it before,” said Potts.

One vegan respondent from Christchurch said: “I believe we are what we consume, so I really struggle with bodily fluids, particularly sexually.”

Another Christchurch vegan said she found non-vegans appealing, but would not want to be physically close to them.

“I would not want to be intimate with someone whose body is literally made up from the bodies of others who have died for their sustenance,” she said.

Christchurch vegan Nichola Kriek has been married to her vegan husband, Hans, for nine years.

She would not describe herself as vegansexual, but said it would definitely be a preference.

She could understand public not wanting to get too close to non-vegan or non-vegetarians.

“When you are vegan or vegetarian, you are very aware that when humans eat a meaty diet, they are kind of a graveyard for animals,” she said.

Previously: Even professionals benefit from dildo etiquette
See plus: Carnivore sex off the menu (stuff.nz)

37 tips from a stripper

Strip club manager/Iron Maiden enthusiast Tim Case sent that along. He said he found it on Craigslist, but his wife, the dancer/performer/proud mom Felicia Fox, might have written it, too.

Everything listed in that Stripper Rant is common sense but it is, of course, a letdown to find that peelers don’t like me for my profound insights into the adult industry. Remember: strippers don’t like you; they tolerate you. Your only chance at approximating the warm, positive regard girlfriend experience you’ve been fooling yourself about is whether you tip.

Read the rant after the gap.

Stripper Rant

1) Hey you by there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it’s the fucking deed to Trump Towers… what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It’s a fuckin’ dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)…fuck you.

3) You with the thick-ass jeans, that was an impromptu visit, eh?

4) Don’t pull my thong up during a dance and ask me whether it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers amidst each one to compose certain you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

6) No I will not just let you “slip it in real quick” for $50 more bucks.

7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.

8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an additional $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.

9) Stop asking me out. You’re a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I’m smiling and cooing at you is considering I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn’t even fart your way.

11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what’d you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you’re about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don’t give a shit.

12) Don’t bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next date like everyone else does.

13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

14) No, you CAN’T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

15 )Boys, don’t sit in the front row with your “homies” and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance considering you want to look like you’re too “cool” to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It’s a clear sign that you ain’t getting any.

16) DON’T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW whether YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

17) “So what do you guys do when you’re on your period?” reply: I lap dance with guys in dark pants.

18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That’s additional.

19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

20) I had a feeling you weren’t going to tip me, so I took additional care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear additional glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.

21) Hey cheapasses: please don’t come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to “Desperate Housewives” instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

22) Stop asking me why I do that job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that’s why.

23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it’s oregano anyway you silly mutherfucker!

25) Sorry, I don’t do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.

26) I can see it’s your first instance at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. whether you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don’t have to do “extra services.” I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.

27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More whether you’re ugly. So basically, more.

30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It’s like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

31) Girls–what’s with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

32) Girls–stop lip-syncing to the song you’re dancing to on stage. particularly whether you don’t know all the words.

33) Girls–if your toes curl and hang by your platform shoes a la’ Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size. http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif

34) Girls–drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as poor whether not worse than the BO you’re trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.

35) Hey DJ! You suck!

36)Girls–may I propose complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

37)Girls–some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please.

Previously: Your porn stars, pregnant;
See plus: Tim Case

New Porn Daily: Triple threats prove truth in advertising

At no point in JM Productions’ Wife, Mother, Whore are the five female performers (including Alison Pierce, above) asked whether they themselves gave birth to their children, but neither is that movie marketed as a MILF title. And for that honesty I am grateful.

Each of the women in that movie not only has children but is plus married and accepts money for having sex. I haven’t seen such a truthful title since I’ve Been Sodomized.

Previously: I Heart Suckable; Transsexual MILFs; A bit of the old in-out for Chelsie Rae
See additionally: JM Productions

The Butt Wax has exploded, or: shoving trans fats up your ass

Every day I receive boxes of excellent adult products that I mention on my global network of sites in reviews, casual allusions, paid advertising, or as simple prayers the faithful may use in novenas. Most of these products are very compelling.

But sometimes they are horrifying. Read more after the gap.

The first thing I noticed when I opened the Topco box was that it was heavier than normal. Inside were two weapons-grade grrltoyz vibrators that I immediately dispatched to likely lady reviewers (read the review here) as well as a large tub of something.

That something was Bottoms Up^TM Butt Wax Anal Balm, and it had leaked all by the box, sullying the vibrators.

“What’s all by that box?” my vibrator pop quiz subject asked.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” I said. That line even gets me out of paying my electric bill. You should try it.

Why Bottoms Up^TM is trademarked and not Butt Wax was a mystery to me, as was the fact that the company had decided to go ahead and put anal balm in the title, too.

The tub restricted 46 ounces of white goop (there were supposed to be 47, but one leaked out) and the directions were as pursues:

Scoop it up and apply to desired area for lubrication and to ease discomfort.

In that case, “desired area” means the ass. And that is, of course, fine, but where is the romance when you have to scoop something up and slap it like mortar on your intended’s desired area? possibly whether you’re a Mason…

But where that product just became wrong was when I searched for its ingredients, which consist entirely of partially hydrogenated soybean oil. Using that anal balm would be like shoving a super-sized package of McDonald’s french fries up your or your partner’s ass, minus the potatoes.

As any resident of the Castro will tell you, the nation’s homosexual men have been using Crisco, which is mostly partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil, for generations. But the rule of thumb (or whatever) should always be: whether you wouldn’t put it in your mouth as food, don’t put it in your ass.

Finally, whether you are to use a product like that, remember that it is not safe for latex condoms; you’ll have to go bareback with it, just like a real porn star!

Previously: Products for your down under from down under; Ladyboy or Cenobite?; The sacred semiotics of the stigmafoot
See plus: Partially hydrogenated oils, Crisco

Stood Up party in New York with Savanna Samson

Following the recent tradition of acknowledging other porn-buying regions of the country, Vivid will sponsor a launch party in New York for Stood Up, a fictionalized detail of comedian Bob Levy’s history of having jokes stolen from him by public who went on to become famous, except with sex thrown in.

Savanna Samson, who plays Levy’s evil agent in the B. Skow-directed picture, will co-host the August 9 party at Manhattan’s Ultra.

Read more after the gap.

Now that I know the premise of the film, I am moved to forgive Levy for making fun of my glasses during last year’s FAME Awards; his has been a hard life. When Andrew Dice Clay steals your jokes, you have worse things to concern about.

After the fourth or fifth moment Levy made comments about my glasses – glasses I use to see – from his bully pulpit on the stage, I thought, “This man has been hurt before. Perhaps terribly. Perhaps by Andrew Dice Clay.” Pity has even crept into my thinking about this individual.

I spoke with the co-writer of Stood Up, an adult industry publishing figure so close to the center of the porn universe that he cannot be identified.

“Levy isn’t actually having sex in that movie, is he?” I asked.

“No,” the writer replied. “We’ve got Tommy Gunn playing the young Levy, and Lee Stone plays the Andrew Dice Clay character.”

Other comedians with identifiable stand-ins in the movie are Jeff Foxworthy and Jerry Seinfeld.

“It’s a hilarious movie,” the writer added.

“If you say so.” (Actually, I’m looking forward to watching it.)

Levy is making it up to me by proxy through an open bar that will run for two hours, starting at 8 p.m. thereupon the general public will be allowed in. “Guests will enjoy a night of sexy fun with Savanna and Levy, who will additionally sign complimentary Stood Up DVDs and be available for photographs.”

Just wear your contacts.

Previously: FAME: America recognizes small asses; Lux’s Life; The tannens in Miss Samson
See plus: Vivid

Rhino to get Ninn skin

Director Michale Ninn and NinnWorx have been contracted to art up the 34 worldwide locations of the Spearmint Rhino peeler chain, and the studio will operate as the clubs’ production arm.

I’m hoping that Spearmint Rhinos will become more Innocence Brat and less Sacred Sin, considering who wants to go to a strip club and see someone raging around his apartment weeping about the death of his wife?

Full story on the next page.

Ninn says that that deal, with its roots in meetings amidst himself and Spearmint Rhino owner John Gray at January’s AVN Convention, includes NinnWorx contract performers Jana Jordan and Heather Vuur appearing at the clubs.

The partnership has resulted in the creation of a third company, NinnWorx_SR, which will be headquartered in the city of Norco in Riverside County.

Norco sounds like the soulless name of a company town, but it is actually short for “North Corona” – uninspired, but California is a big place, and you don’t get a gem like “Hesperia” every day. In Norco, you can ride your horse to dinner, and many businesses have hitching posts.

Riverside County, famous for being a hotbed of despair, is now changing its image to a porn destination (though it is doubtful you will find that in Chamber of Commerce literature). The headquarters of Pornfidelity are just down the street in Corona.

NinnWorx has recently signed Lena Nicole to a contract, and for a while flirted with the concept of signing former Adam & Eve implosion Sophia Lynn. that will probably not happen due to a recurrence of the same things that scuttled her Adam & Eve deal, sources say.

Recent rumors of NinnWorx’ financial instability are exaggerated and incorrect, say company spokespeople. The company co-sponsored its “Gathering” party last year with Eddie Van Halen in support of Sacred Sin. Van Halen went into rehab shortly thereafter, but I should have as well. That’s how good the party was.

Previously: An awkward conversation with Heather Vandeven; In a white room with meat curtains; Good Friday at the Filth Factory
See plus: Ninnworx, Spearmint Rhino

jessica drake will blow you dry

I have been pleading with Wicked Pictures to prepare a porn version of Davey And Goliath but they chose the Old testomony story of Samson and Delilah instead.

jessica drake plays an unhinged and lowdown hairdresser whose fatal attraction to Samson (Herschel Savage), results in blue-tinted condom sex and cross-Testament plot points in Michael Raven’s Delilah.

A reading from the review, here.

Previously: 2007 AVN wrap-up; Wicked good hors d’ouevres
See plus: Wicked Pictures, Davey And Goliath

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